I miss you but it does not hurt me.
It does not hurt me because
You say goodbye well.
The first time, in your car, when I finally kissed you
And I couldn't leave
You said, "No, this is a goodbye kiss."
And you took my face in your hands.
You say goodbye so well, my love.
I call you my love
But you are not mine.
It might be more apt to call me yours
For that is what I mean when I say love-
I mean
Be free and fly
But take me, have me,
Let me belong to you from wherever I am.
I have no desire to possess you
But I crave for you to let me be yours.
I ache for it.
That moment when you kissed me goodbye
You owned me
Not in a punishing way
But in a moment of pure knowledge:
You knew
That there was nowhere else on earth I'd rather be,
No one else on earth whose arms I'd rather be in,
Nothing else on earth I'd rather do than let you kiss me until my head
Spun.
You say goodbye
So well, darling.
That whole night
The last one
Was goodbye and hello
All at once.
I can expect nothing less from you-
You are everything, you are all things that conflict and entangle and war and embrace
You are goodbye and hello
Never and forever
Here and gone-
Unbearably close and unbearably distant.
I am not hurt because you touched me
With love.
I felt it in your fingers, in your lips, in the soft curves of you.
In the way you stopped and asked me if I was okay,
In the way you held my hand and told me not to let the world
Harden me.
I don't intend to. Your touch reminds me why I don't intend to.
You may be many things, my love,
You may even be gone,
But you are not cruel.
And that is so unutterably special to me-
For I have loved cruel people,
Some of the cruelest.
I suffer no delusions that I choose well.
I suffer no delusions
That I choose at all.
But this time...
This time I found you.
And you held my fingers in yours so tenderly.
And you brushed my hair out of my eyes.
And you told me
That you love the way my hands look
And I
Could never be sad
Remembering that.
It was the best goodbye
I ever had.