In the weeks , months  and even the first year  after my husband's brutal death in 2002  , the occasional mall  visit  would turn into bleak despair  every time . I automatically  scanned faces  looking for him, until I remembered suddenly  that he was dead.   I felt like I was on an island  of  heartbreak in the middle of a crowded  mall. Life rushed past me during those times  , and I felt   like a total outcast, nothing in common with  everyday life anymore.