I thought I was done,
I thought me hurting over you
had stopped,
that me smiling at him
would cause the flashbacks
to vanish.
They did stop-
until now.
Maybe they came back because
even though we never had
anything
you seemed to be everything,
and you're everywhere.
You're in the songs I hear,
the sarcastic comments I make,
and the lists we created together.
But with each of these things
comes a red flag
that I chose not to see.
Like how every song we sang
is the saddest of them all.
Or maybe it's because I found out
another lie,
another game changer.
That I wasn't the only one
that you kissed,
Not the only one you used that
great line on.
Or walked away from without
a single ******* glance.
You didn't think I'd find out, right?
"Make a mistake or regret one"
The words that haunt me.
The words that played me for
a fool
on that magical night.
Or maybe they came back
for none of these reasons.
Maybe it's because not only
did you throw away
what we could've been,
but our friendship too.
And I loved you.
So I hate you for that.
I hate that I can't even look at you
because it's not even you anymore,
you've become a monster to me,
and you hid him so well.
But most of all I hate that every time
I look at you
I can still hear those words,
those promises,
and taste your lying lips
so perfectly.
Feel your hands touching my back
taking me to where it all began.
Where we began.
Where this began.
But even more I hate
that I have the power.
and the will,
to hate you this deeply,
and for all this,
I hate myself.