What to say when I've been tearing up my skin
To match the voices that have torn me within
I'm confused at how to really explain
That staying alive requires a dose of pain
Anxiety rips through me like a storm
And I thank the gods I was forewarned
That the plan was born over a day ago
And though I can't fight I can let them know
And my safety can be removed from my hands
I pray I find someone who understands
As I sit bleeding and shaking and broken down
Why I am unable to turn my life around
All I see these days is a cavernous hole
Gaping and pulling and tormenting my soul
I don't know how to convey my feelings of doubt
Of how I can only see this one way out
How I can't see a future or anything ahead
And my mind races and wants me dead
I can't see myself ever really living
When this cold light is so unforgiving
I don't know what to say so I stay quiet
But don't presume there is calm in my silence
Don't assume I am okay when sitting still
I'm planning and I'm treating with devils
Selling my soul for some kind of relief
The scratches and hunger are no release
Not really or at least not good enough
Why do I feel so undeserving of love
So worthless each and every day
I suppose that's why I can't change my ways
Why I feel as though I'm dying inside
Why I see my only option as suicide.