for seven years i believed that i had no right to say that i had been abused because it wasn't physical, like my friend who was beat by her drunk father on a daily basis.
my abuse was only on an emotional, psychological scale and while sometimes his hand slipped or gripped too tight on me, i honestly wouldn't count it as abuse.
recently i began reading into this and while it's not as talked about as physical or ****** abuse it still counts and it carries over as children grow up from these experiences.
even experiences that i didn't think counted as emotional abuse, from times when i was far younger than just a teenager.
the abuse i've dealt with hasn't made me any stronger than i was, it's made me the exact opposite; instead of being the person i was before, bright and optimistic, i'm apologizing constantly for things i don't need to and second guessing myself and others intentions.
constantly i wonder if i'm bothering someone, am i being too much of myself? am i allowed to speak? does my opinion matter? is it all right to assert myself?
after being told for three years that i don't matter, and there is no point of me for existing and that it's no wonder i don't have any friends, i'm trying to break myself out of the box i've placed myself in and it's so **** hard.