is it a kindness that I have pined so many times
that my mind has learned how to be refused
and my soul has been taught a lesson from each new person I have loved
and my past has been dotted with scars when my heart broke in half
is it a kindness that I must suffer so
merely in order to grow, to understand the nature of a human person?
maybe there is something that is wrong with me,
that I can never find a healthy love, a good love,
that I do not bend myself over backwards for-
in all the loves I have experienced, I have broken myself
and beaten my own soul black and blue and hot red
over and over against a wall in my bathroom
as usual, the hardest part is sleeping alone
maybe I am not meant to have another, maybe
I am meant for this, forever.