it's not that i hate you
i don't
it's just all the saturday nights that
i poured into your empty beer cans
when you were so ****** up
you never even noticed that it was
me holding your hand
through all your nightmares
and it was me losing myself
in the fight against your demons
and he couldn't even see
that you were drowning;

it's not that i hate you
i don't
it's just that i can still hear you
crying over him
when the wind blows in the right direction;
i wasted all my breath
trying to remind you that you loved him
even though we both know you never did
and now my lungs are as empty
as the rest of me has been since
the moment you said
you didn't need me

i never took another breath
from anything but a cigarette again

it's not that i hate you
i don't
it's just the beautiful way you broke my heart
like it was your destiny
and i want to hate you
for all the hangovers from the nights
i couldn't let myself remember you,
for all the tears i left in my bestfriend's shirts
from every night she had to listen
to me sob your name,
for every piece of me that i gave up
trying to become someone else for you

i spent a year choking on the pain
seeping through the cracks in your voice
when you whispered to me
under the moonlight about him
and i wrestled with a typhoon in my chest
every time you sold yourself short
just to give a ******* to a boy
you knew you'd never love
and i listened to you complain
ever 'morning after' about wanting more

why wouldn't you let me give that to you?

it's not that i hate you
i don't
*i hate myself for falling in love you