It scares me
All of it
The thought, the realization
That I cannot control anything
It is killing me, fear
It’s destroying me from the inside out
I lose control over my emotions
And the fear sets in
I lose control over pain
And the fear sets in
I lose control of work
And fear sets in
It deprives me of sleep
And puts me off food
Sometimes it is hard to breathe
Everything puts me close to tears
Because of fear
Not fear of death
I do not fear that
But fear of no control
The losses I will one day have to face
I know they must come eventually
Fear of the pain I will undoubtedly feel each day
Fear of how I will react
Who I will hurt
Where it will take me in life
I know I must trust
And they say not to feel
But I cannot bring myself to do it
It has begun to consume me
I feel as though I am letting Him down
Because I fear
Because I am human
I cannot shake it
And it has begun to choke me
It weighs me down like a heavy blanket
And blocks all light
I cannot see what I can do
I cannot scream because of its hold on me
How do I get through this
Do all others feel this way
Why when I feel this, do I feel so alone
Is He not meant to be there
Am I not meant to feel Him
Why do I feel like this
Why can I not feel this once more
Control.