On a fateful day, the ‘Establishment’ sought volunteers
Not wanting to be out done by my vying peers
My hand went up and - all said ‘three cheers’
I thought I’d soon be handsome like Richard Gere.

Thus in the lab began the genetic engineering
A needle here, a chop there and additional gearing
The docs remorselessly toiled on me
Treated me like a zombie I could see.

“Success! Success!” was their sudden shout
I looked down and could see a sprout
I said “what’s this, I am half a tree?”
They said ‘silly’ from human ******* we set you free.

Alas! Instead of ‘Richard Gere’, they left me with roots
As a tree now, I go where I please without boots.