rainbow fish with the most beautiful teeth
swimming in circles around my head
******* breath out of my lungs
so suddenly that I sob my mothers name
and even the name of the god that I do not know
before the darkness of the lack of oxygen leaves me in a daze
and floating on the floor in a pool of my own sweat
clear like diamond tears from a dragon who lost its fire

whose only intent is to **** me father down into the shadows
as cold as the belly of a glacier
where I can finally catch a clear glimpse of my own soul
battered and tarnished and stained
i wish somebody could save me from this
fish seemingly beautiful but full of hate and
I don’t know where the hate came from
it suddenly rose in me at
first like a gentle drizzle and then became a tidal wave
that will flatten anything and all that wanders into its way
I don’t even know if I am capable of love anymore
will the monsters leave
wont they go

I need to shrink like alice
and go far away from this life that others have built for me
I am rapunzel in her tower I am trapped
but I cut off my own hair in a fit of self hate
and now have no way to escape
the only thing I can do is wait
but how am I supposed to change when I am locked away
in my own mind and nobody can come in
and nobody can help
and I don't know how to save myself