I wanted to
come to your
door
and
urge you ,
"lie with me."

I wanted to
undo your blouse,
release your
*******,
feel your *******
brush my chest.

I wanted to
deeply
kiss
and tenderly
caress
all of
you,
holding you,
my beloved wife,
so very
close.
I want to
feel your pleasure.
I want to
be your lover
once more.
I desperately want
you to
love
me.

But
I didn't
knock on your
door.
I was
sure
you'd say
"No!"
and turn me
away
to lie
alone
again,
adrift
on the
empty
raft
of our big
wedding bed
as I do
every night,
longing for
the closeness
and love
you say
I
have destroyed.

Instead,
I finished the wine.
There was just
one last
glass.
I sipped it
while I reviewed
my good
old songs.
The wine worked,
I felt like
singing,
and I wondered:
what am I doing
here?

I have no
idea
what I have
done
or not done
to alienate you,
my most beloved
alien.

For me
you are the only
woman--
so
righteously
angelic,
yet
so
cruel
in your
truth speaking.

Is it time to mourn
That never again
will you hold me
inside your
soft
sanctuary,
never again
will we share
the breathless
convergence
of flesh and
spirit?

Though
I may not
deserve
your love's  
benediction,
it is what
I most
ardently
desire
now
and
for which
I will
long
forever.