I have fallen deeply
madly
for you

But im not ready to be in love with you

Ive suffered
sleepless nights
guilt
scratching at the doors of my being
begging to be let in
then eating me from inside out chewing away at my flesh and leaving me
dry

for you.

Ive had the conversations to be had
laughed way too many times
watched our lives blow away with the cigarette smoke of our youth
watched you sleep in my arms
lay down in sin
beside you
i believe what you say because i hang on to the sound
the sound of our beings and our lives
colliding sending aches piercing clean through my heart  
what am i left with

what the **** am i doing.

Im in love with you,
but i never should have fallen.