Despair, complete despair, that dull melancholy; a constant elderitch sensation that you're being watched from behind. You feel those bloodshot eyes on your back as they dig in, bore into your spine and disperse pure, cold hopelessness into the entirety of your body through your central nervous system, having a numbing effect on everything you've experienced.
Every happy memory shining a little less bright, memories that used to bring a warm euphoria you once knew the name of love now brings a wicked strike of agony, a burning anger, that rapes your inner peace and everything needs to restart all the work you've put into forgetting has to be redone and than the period of convalescence begins a new and you plead to yourself, "please let this be the last cycle.''
*The river side can only take so many waves before it erodes into the current.