I watch myself lost, trying over and over again to find my answers in things like the paintings on the wall and the torn fabric in the carpet. I blame myself for using these pictures as a shield to cover the holes and I blame myself for never grabbing that ******* carpet and lifting it up. Knowingly letting the dirt settle in and STAIN something that was once beautiful and I apologize that I sit here and stew in it.

Adding to the nicotine stains around me.