I've never gotten a chain letter
Or a parcel marked "fragile"

But I've been told to "get out" by many frustrated people
And "come in" by welcoming hosts

I've never been a negative on the cutting room floor
And I've never been particularly choosy on pizza toppings

I don't think I've been a victim of voodoo, but then again how would I know?

I once curtailed my friend's jail sentence by testifying

I've been told everything I know about life is complete horse hockey

I've been the odd man out but I always manage to even things out

I've never not been able to get myself out of a Chinese finger trap

And I have never, most certainly not ever been a white knuckle driver