I was hanging out
with friends
A regular Saturday
of yesteryear
Just like we used to have
A strange conversation
Began there
One that pointed out
How much I have really seen
Of this world
How open I am
Aware
And it was good
Things were said
That needed to be said
Burdens unloaded
A good time
But at the end of the night
Before I left
My friend asked
If I was happy

Such an unexpected question
I stopped for a moment
Though any pause
Always seems suspect
When one is in possession
Of a sharp wit

He clapped me on the shoulder
The drink still in him
Though he is a rather jolly fellow
And he said
That was a bit unfair of me

And all I could do
Was nod
Because what would I say?
I'm not happy
Even though my life
Is satisfactory
Do I own the truth
The wretched
Horrid
Truth?

Is it even acceptable
To give my burdens
My worries
My sadness
To someone?
Especially a good friend
Whose life is full of good?

I can't do that
I couldn't give him
Even a real hint
of the depth
Of my misery
There is no hope
For my void
I have loved
Only to lose
And I have lost
Faith

How could I express
That?
That the intelligent
Interesting
Comical
Flirtatious
Enigmatic
Mysterious
­Wonderful person
As he said
Who is so strong
She makes mountains move
Without effort
Could possibly
be dying
of loneliness?

Because it is killing me
First I tried the drink
And since that has failed
I have nowhere
to hide these feelings
Before I could have lied
Because I would have believed it
That I ached inside from the poison
Not the hollowness
Of being alone

I could not tell
One of my oldest friends
That I am so unhappy
Because in telling
My misery would be worse.

I don't need to be told
That my misery is pointless
That I should be happy
Regardless
Save your breath
I have no interest in listening
to what makes only you
Happy
As your 'advice' is self serving
And worthless to someone
As brilliant as me
Because I know just how wrong
That kind of faith is
A lie not worth repeating
Especially because
I have known love
In its rarity
I can't settle for less.