I wouldn't blame you for being so rude to me
I hate me too
I'm as dull as the pencil I write with.

Lifeless,
as if i was never alive.  I stare blankly into everything,
Don't you dare ask why;
I can not answer that question.

I used to laugh like a lunatic,
smile at everyone I see.
I used to be happy I guess,
when i was younger at heart.

I wouldn't say i'm completely lost in the dark,
i'll just say I have no map to happiness,
and I've lost my  only compass.

It's funny, i'm happy when I'm slaving away at minimum wage,
with a fake smile, that turns real.
A real smile that only my coworkers, and guest can see.
They see something I can never find at home,
my happiness.

Why?
Why can't I let go of old things?
something is holding me back from doing what will make me happy.
is it me?
of course, its me.