This job is just one long drawn out lobotomy.

Hey quit putting gum on the bottom of these desks you *******.

I can think of a few ways to get out of here but I don't think I can afford a ****** harassment lawsuit.

I'm about 2 minutes away from a faking a seizure and about 5 from a real one.

Hey Guantanamo Bay, are your methods of torture outdated and boring? Then have I got a deal for you...

You think you can just drop Seinfeld references and I won't pick up on them? You thought wrong, *****.

I think I lost the ability to see color...

All work and no play makes Ashton a dull boy...

I'm still waiting on Betty White to crawl her old *** out here and tell me this is some kind of practical joke.

Homelessness is looking more and more like a serious option

Don't pull the fire alarm. Don't pull the fire alarm. Don't pull the fire alarm.

Enough is enough! I have had it with all these ******* boogers on these ******* desks!