Ignorance would be a great excuse
if I didn't know that would be a lie
at least I never pointed the finger
knowing it was I
who meticulously created this world. .

Romanced by how it
carelessly went against the grain of conformity
I fell in love with the worst of people
because it just came across
as the only time I saw honesty

I never wanted the house and family
with a white picket fence
a mini van and 2.5 children
getting grey hairs over my credit score

just to croak a few years before retirement
from a heart attack,
because the electric bill was so high.

I wanted my reasons to be genuine
not following the empty dreams
built by a crumbling society
******* its morals, laws and values
into a Petri dish
just to dissect it under a microscope
to create the end all, be all weapon.

Of our disenchantment
our detachment
emotional abandonment

I saw torture as triumph
partaking in poison
hailing the hemlock
smoke was salvation
I adored the ******
I praised the pain
Wearing my scars like badges of honor
misery was my undying muse,

Maybe it all still is. . .

Yet I cant say it wasn't a good run
there were many times I actually felt close
to being alive

With long nights, and lost days
nursing my head
putting the splintered memories
back together
in a puzzle of madness
and fractals of experiences
but its taking its toll
and I'm ready to give happiness a chance
try a different path
Resurrect myself from this prolonged death.

because if you focus on the dark for too long
it becomes all that you see.