Ribs and shaky fingers are not
A definition of beautiful.
A tear streaked face and a constant
Soreness in my voice are not cute.

I want to feel beautiful again.
I want to feel wanted again.

Every passing moment,
I feel less acknowledged.
Less looked at.

I've raided my mind for every answer to my questions:
Do you look at me like I'm beautiful?
Do you notice the little things?
Respect the small scars that I don't remember?
Do you realize how hard I fight for you and how close
I've come to trying again?
Do you ever cry for me? Pray for me?
Do you ever look at me just for the fun of it?
And notice every detail in my back while I'm not looking?

I want to feel needed again.
I want to know that I am wanted and not discarded.
That I am not a useless thing and a waste of air.
I just want to feel your eyes on me and feel the gentleness of your hands.

Do you ever shake out of fear for me?
Do you ever realize that I am in pain before I do?
D you realize that every time someone asks if I'm okay,
Even if I am, I start to cry because
There is always something to think about?
Do you ever think about how lonely and worthless I feel when I have no one there with me?
Do you ever worry about when I fall asleep, maybe I'm dreaming about my own death?
Do you ever get scared when I lock myself in my room and refuse to speak?
Do you ever wonder what it's like to be as jealous as I am?
Or wonder what it's like to be in my shoes with people talking behind my back and insulting me?
Sometimes physically pushing me?

I just want to feel loved again.
I miss you.