this state is lonely
i sit on the porch watching a foreign sunset
don't believe for a second that i'm not grateful for it
but i really wish someone would cut through what aimless
perceptions they all seem to have about what it is that I do
and how exciting it all must be
when the reality of too many hours alone
stuck in rooms
missing birthdays
pretending Holidays don't matter
just to get through the day without crying
losing lovers because they can't seem to hang with
watching the calendar anymore
(and who can blame them)
forever missing something
someone
anything, everything
because you are constantly gone

but I say this in the moment.
i know for a fact that i would
rather be lonely my entire life
than be stagnant or underwhelmed.