I let myself eat today
because she watched
my careful bites.
If she wouldn't have been
I probably would've just
stared down at my plate
feeling the twists and
twinges of pain inside
of my body as I
lick my lips.

I like this feeling because
I can control it
and nobody can shove food
down my mouth because
you wouldn't be able to tell
if I've eaten or not
and until I get to that point again
*I don't think I'll ever stop.