Bad habits are hard to break

But you weren’t a habit…

you were so much more.

And even if it felt like it,

you weren’t bad at all.

To me you were the air,

I did not want to,

I needed to.

I needed to breathe you in,

I needed you in my system.

I did not want to,

I did not mean to,

I had to breathe you in.

I never thought I had to stop,

It did not cross my mind

to not breathe you in.

You were just there,

I did not see you,

nor hear you,

But I felt you.

Surrounding me.

It was instinct.

Taking you in.

It was natural.

You, the air

and breathing was loving.

I never found reason to stop breathing,

and I never will.

The more I inhaled,

the more I exhaled,

and it felt like

I was emptying myself

of me.

And filling myself,

with you.

And it was as though,

there was never enough of me

to contain you.

But I did not stop breathing.

And I never will.

Instinct,

not a bad habit.

that’s what you were,

No.

That’s what loving you was.

It couldn’t be helped.

I had to breathe.