It all comes down to loneliness constant loneliness when no one ever understands how I feel or what's going on and God I'm so scared it's like my lungs might explode from the screams that threaten to escape from my mouth but are too afraid to jump and all anyone ever hears is silence long periods of excruciatingly painful silence but there are no words to describe the horror story I have created in my mind it is gruesome it is senseless there will be no happy ending this time I am sorry but I tried and tried until I couldn't try anymore and even then I wonder if I ever even tried at all happy is just not in the books for me it never was so goodbye happy I know you won't be knocking on my door anytime soon instead I welcome sadness full blown sadness there is no cure for this insanity there is no bandage big enough to cover the scars and put myself back together again I am torn breaking falling apart at the seams and it seems to me that no one even notices God why can't you notice is it because I stopped praying is it because I stopped believing is it because I am the filthy rotting ugly creature that I am oh I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry please just be there for my friends is all I ask please keep my family safe is all I ask tell them that I love them tell them that I care tell them that I'm sorry oh God I am sorry please don't look at me that way I have too much hate in my heart and no matter what I do it never goes away it never goes away I am not the human I thought I was I am not the person you thought you created mom and dad I am not like my sister or the good people you see outside I am not normal I am different trust me I know what I am I see it every day I have never seen God but I have seen the Devil trust me I have seen the Devil it is me