Sometimes I hate writing as much as I wanna write cause the amount of the thoughts in my head can't be derived as much as I thrived to collect them to make sense of them I start to lose my mind I'm calculating the amount.of times I think about you but at the same time I'm thinking not to think about you and who am I kidding all other thoughts I pour my interest into don't fit my true interest which is you. I get hurt easily and you hurt me easily and I get hurt I get hurt I get hurt .
But you don't even know do you .
even though I show so clearly .
And now I'm distracted by the image on the wall of when I was small so little I can recall. But I was always a bit weird and a bit off but I had strong ambition now it's gone soft I'm in a tough spot of denying who I am for the sake of what I might be .something that might bother me. So I wander everyday all day at what I can be and none of the options I see interest me in fact I really just point out all your flaws in my head the flaws of everyone ive met and im diving into negativity my own made up pool and I swim in it like I'm so cool but the truth is you die from trying to be better than all the flaws you point out and then you start pointing at yourself and there is soo much to point at so many flaws that bring you down and you start to drawn ..
But I need to keep going down this road I was told cause I don't know better how can I when I don't even have the space to figure anything out will I always live in my denied doubt ?
I hear a sound of the AC but in my head it sounds like the shore of the Honolulu where I will be smoking a cigarette and you will be there next to me.
And I close my eyes to the sound and I fall asleep ♡

GN fellow poets