I'm Pregnant

Do you think you're fat like me,
looks like I'm pregnant with twins.
Gained forty pounds in two short years,
never thought I'd reach two hundred pounds.
If you don't give a **** like me,
then don't even worry about it.
If you care then try a diet,
exercise as often as possible.
I bring to you,
for a one time offer,
the I don't give a **** diet.
Jam packed with all things bad for you,
sit on your *** all day and do nothing.
That's my diet secret, no pain, all gain.
I like my big fat tummy,
it assures that my food is yummy.
I find it funny,
when fat people order a steak and three sides,
then they ask for a diet soda,
like that's gonna do anything.
People who say they love the taste,
must be lying, cause diet soda is nasty.
Oh those days when I was skinny,
dorky face and bushy blonde hair.
Not sure which one of me looked better,
but hot ****, no one makes the girls wetter.