Mar 2014
I. When watching TV with my grandmother, we stumble upon a film about two beautiful girls who fall in love. When they kiss, she turns away from the screen. Every time.
II. I'm getting reading for school in the morning, and turn on an episode of my favorite show. When two of the boys kiss, I glance away out of habit, and my mother whispers, "It's just so strange."
III. I'm making lunch in the kitchen when my grandmother remarks, "I don't think anyone can know they're gay until they try being straight." Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore.
IV. One of the boys I grew up with keeps telling me that I'll find the right man, no matter how many times I correct him.
V. When my friend finds out, she says it's okay. But she refuses to hug me.
VI. I'm out to dinner with my cousins when one of them says, "I have a friend who's a lesbian. It's so hot." I excuse myself from the table and spend the rest of the evening sitting in a parking lot.
VII. The boys at school say "***" every other word.
VIII. The girl in the locker room refuses to change next to me.
IX. My grandmother finds a love poem in my room. I tell her it's a part of a school project.
X. In class we talk about gender roles, and a boy gets up and says, "You have to teach your kid to be manly or he'll end up being gay."
XI. Someone says the word "****" and I feel like crying.
XII. The youth pastor at my church tells me that I can be cured.
XIII. Everyone tells me I'm wrong.
XIV. I tell myself I am wrong. Every single day, it repeats in my head like a sacred chant. I tell myself I don't deserve to live. Until the day that I don't.
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I. I watch every movie I can find without looking away.
II. I smile every time they kiss.
III. I develop a stronger stomach.
IV. I correct him more forcefully.
V. Her sister hugs me twice as hard.
VI. I slap my cousin across the face.
VII. I decide to see it as a term of endearment.
VIII. I stop taking gym.
IX. My grandmother finds a love poem in the room. I tell her to calm down.
X. The girl beside me tells him to shut his mouth.
XI. Someone says the word "****" and I feel like laughing.
XII. I pray for her.
XIII. Everyone tells me I'm wrong.
XIV. I tell myself I am wrong.
XVI. Until the day that I don't.
II. I'm getting reading for school in the morning, and turn on an episode of my favorite show. When two of the boys kiss, I glance away out of habit, and my mother whispers, "It's just so strange."
III. I'm making lunch in the kitchen when my grandmother remarks, "I don't think anyone can know they're gay until they try being straight." Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore.
IV. One of the boys I grew up with keeps telling me that I'll find the right man, no matter how many times I correct him.
V. When my friend finds out, she says it's okay. But she refuses to hug me.
VI. I'm out to dinner with my cousins when one of them says, "I have a friend who's a lesbian. It's so hot." I excuse myself from the table and spend the rest of the evening sitting in a parking lot.
VII. The boys at school say "***" every other word.
VIII. The girl in the locker room refuses to change next to me.
IX. My grandmother finds a love poem in my room. I tell her it's a part of a school project.
X. In class we talk about gender roles, and a boy gets up and says, "You have to teach your kid to be manly or he'll end up being gay."
XI. Someone says the word "****" and I feel like crying.
XII. The youth pastor at my church tells me that I can be cured.
XIII. Everyone tells me I'm wrong.
XIV. I tell myself I am wrong. Every single day, it repeats in my head like a sacred chant. I tell myself I don't deserve to live. Until the day that I don't.
--------------------
I. I watch every movie I can find without looking away.
II. I smile every time they kiss.
III. I develop a stronger stomach.
IV. I correct him more forcefully.
V. Her sister hugs me twice as hard.
VI. I slap my cousin across the face.
VII. I decide to see it as a term of endearment.
VIII. I stop taking gym.
IX. My grandmother finds a love poem in the room. I tell her to calm down.
X. The girl beside me tells him to shut his mouth.
XI. Someone says the word "****" and I feel like laughing.
XII. I pray for her.
XIII. Everyone tells me I'm wrong.
XIV. I tell myself I am wrong.
XVI. Until the day that I don't.
