It is awful to feel sickened by the thought of myself
So is sobbing in the bathtub while the water hits my body
And soon my tears blend in with the ***** water

It is awful to avoid mirrors and to always look down
To hid from who I would see if I did

It is awful  to scream into my pillows every night
Hoping no one will hear the cries
Or staining my wrists with sharpie
To remind myself to stop eating
And to stop being me

Or living in my dreams of other peoples lives
Than facing the reality of mine
Self-hate is awful
But so am I