I feel in love with a girl, once.

She was shy and sweet and liked to keep to herself.
She only spoke when spoken to, and it was always much too quiet
to hear properly
or above everyone else.
Instead of asking her to speak up
I learned to listen.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

She had brown hair and the sort of eyes
poets dream of
I'm no Romeo but Paris better keep to himself
For starlight shifted in those orbs of blue-grey-green
and whole galaxies exploded into being
in my chest
expanding and multiplying
with the power of the universe.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

Her gaze dipped from mine whenever I complimented her
but she gave the sweetest smile
when she thought I wasn't looking
(and I was always looking)
and my mind refused to stop its hellbent pace
as it named our children and decided
she'd have the perfect wedding
she'd be a teacher
(it was her dream)
and I'd be an author
(a dream of my own)
that I'd rock her to sleep
(she has problems dreaming)
and play with her fingers
(so small in my own)
and buy her a constellation
(she loves stars more than she loves life)

I fell in love with a girl, once.

Knowledge flew from her lips as easily as prose from my pen
Facts she deigned to know
littered my mind in her voice
and I strived to remember it all
I did not always have any particular passion for the subject
but her voice was all I needed to become
the most adept student
in existence.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

My iPod filled itself
with music she'd hum under her breath
and I found her in the moments between thought
the pauses between songs
the spaces between stars.
She seeped through my life
leaving stardust on all she touched
She glowed in my mind
as the full moon on a clear night
controlled my emotions
as the moon does the tides
unintentional as gravity.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

Death slipped through her lips
and walked beside her as a constant companion
Her fingers were stained with acts of self-violence
her pale skin bruised and battered
her smiles quickly becoming
the most beautiful endangered species
She was my happiness
but I was no good for her
only another
on the long list
of unworthy.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

I couldn't tell her sister or her mother
her father, or mine.
I could never let the words slip from my own lips
grace her ears with harsh emotion
though she deserved every word
though  they were the truth in every sense
I could only tell our friends
and they knew all along.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

Her hands were small, compared to mine
Her body was petite.
She was soft where I was sharp
smooth curves where I was harsh angles
She was by far more polite and feminine
neater and far more oriented
Whilst I was dirt and mudpies
piles of belongings and wipe-your-nose-with-your-sleeve
She was the good, of the two of us
but ask her and she'll say
the same of me.

I fell in love with a girl, once.

Slipped, more like
slid without noticing
descended at a pace most distressing
in hindsight
and ended up in far deeper in water
than could have been anticipated
(and I can barely swim)

I fell in love with a girl, once.

And still, I sink.