My skies were littered with,
Darkness, a bellowing cloud
Always dragging me up
To sit with him in thunder
And rain, not a rainbow or
Even cloud nine.

My body used to itch,
I'd scratch it raw until
Blood pooled around my
Back, face, wrist, scalp,
Until satisfied my feels, with
Pain and anguish, self inflicted.

I sat with that sharp razor,
Knives that had been, in
Kitchen draws so long, that
When I lift my shirt, dragging
Them across pale skin, nothing
Oozed, and the darkness stayed.

The knives were blunt, from
All the times I'd been stabbed,
Even butchered, by others betrayal,
And I never believed I could
Find a beloved who knows me,
The way you do, loving you.

Yet here I sit, a heart that,
Breaks, aches, and yet beats,
A lifetime of feeling, dancing
All night, remembering,
I will,
Love you,
Until the end
of
time.

© Sia Jane

---

I have perceiv’d that to be with those I like is enough,
To stop in company with the rest at evening is enough,
To be surrounded by beautiful, curious, breathing, laughing flesh is enough,
To pass among them or touch any one, or rest my arm ever so lightly round his or her neck for a moment, what is this then?
I do not ask any more delight, I swim in it as in a sea.

-Walt  Whitman