My mind is a constant jumble-**** Of emotions. Questions. To-do lists. Taboos. Fantasies. Realities. Secrets. I get side tracked And confused When I try to voice my concerns Because I'm concerned on how What leaves my mouth Will enter the ears of the ones around me. How insane will this make me sound? And sometimes the words flow Jumping from my throat, Trapped too long inside. I need to express all that goes on! It's been too long, Since pen has touched paper Intimately... Lately I write what needs to be said But only in the sense of responsibility. Emotionally I'm a mess; Sensibly too. I'm insensitive to my own being Simply because I censor myself for the "need" of others The need I place for them. I'm so concerned that I will offend Off put, Miss represent, Everything about me In a single sentence... But the crazy seeps out One way or another. My tongue will dance With the devil I have convinced Myself that is truth. I'm so afraid of who I am really, I've made up another being Who is me And not me Or at least who I used to be Who I am no longer But whom I still too often, long for. Lusting after what I worked so hard to be free of. The shackles still whispered on my arms. The temptation to dive Undeniably out of control In order to feel Complete control Understanding Emotions. Questions. Taboos. Fantasies. Realities. And those extremely tasty secrets.