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seasonalskins
Poems
Feb 2014
ward 14
part i.
my room
clean, precise
ready
a navy dress
dainty, floral
like a little girl
loved
landing lights off
scuffle of feet rushing
silence
in this serenity
i am chaos
soft music soothing
a specialised playlist
could this be an anymore
cliché way to die?
i listen to time
awaiting a moment
sent by a rhythm
02:00
hold on
32 pills
34
or was it 68?
it doesn’t matter
02:30
what future?
there is no war
it’s all in my head
stop
what
no
need
thoughts
out
dizzy
‘help’
part ii.
what were you thinking
are you crazy
stupid stupid girl
how many
why
I don’t know
not anymore
but it will be fine
I will go to sleep
no fuss
agitation
irritable
useless
annoyance
what had I expect
strangers in the room
my room
but the only stranger
was me
I had known nothing less
voices?
did they tell you to do this?
I laughed in my mind
how cliché do they think I am
no it’s just me
part iii.
numbness and weariness
overwhelmed me
bitter bile rose
a long day ahead
name?
address?
birth date?
what made you do this?
over and over again
ringing in my ears
as I answered in the numbness
I had become
a barcode being scanned
not being looked at once more
I fought the urge to lie
well not completely
ward 14
darkness
panic
blankness
part iv.
drip drip drip
awoken to a beat
my heart or
the machine
I wish I knew
awoken to regret
a coward
a shadow
always
light shining
outside
I have become an outsider
ironically
part v.**
her scars.
trailing down her arms
I wonder
how long would it take
for her scar in her mind to heal
I make suicide look normal
her screams.
rattled the bones in my body
she was
an unravelled mayhem
in pandemonium
her shouts.
were more like pleading
between herself
and whom appeared
a fragment of a nightmare
her crying.
lasted for hours
all through the night
when she stopped
it was only the crying that stopped
I was the intruder
there was a silence in ward 14
I wanted anything but a silence
to think
think
think
looking at her sleeping form
I wonder
what she wanted to forget
but no
silence is louder than words
I was told I could go home
I should have wanted to
but there was a safeness
a safeness like me
security from outside
as I walked away
the weight of eyes
made me sink into a guilt
that I dare not look back
at ward 14
Written by
seasonalskins
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