I didn't know that anyone understood my pain I wasn't aware that I had friend out there Going through something similar, if not a situation the exact same Here I am sitting on my bed with a gun at my head Thinking that no one understands Yet she was there, trying to grab my hand Trying to make me think twice about ending my life “You do not break GOD made you better than that” My body was numb. My heart was black. I wasn't trying to stop I was content on pulling that trigger You know, trying to finally hear that, Pop!!
Five................................ I love you mom. I know you'll be sad but I tried...
Four................................ I love you dad. Don't be sad, now I wont get on your nerves anymore.
Three.............................. I love you sister. Go out there. Live you life... and just like they say..Don t be like me.
Two................................. I love you brother...Only 5 amazing years with you
One.................................. I'm nervous. Once I pull this trigger, my brain will explode..It will all be done
Chest pounding..Sweat dripping down my nose.. I start to remember what she said to me... “Just **** yourself you stupid ***!” My palms are sweaty The metal starts to slip Thinking to myself... 'Just do it already!!' Procrastination...I'm already a minute late. I was supposed to dead by now.. Yet, for some reason, I feel like I need to wait. Her words are coming back 'You do not break GOD made you better than that' Are you sure?? How do know that for a fact? God didn't watch you get beaten for absolutely nothing He didn't hear your screams that were oh, so silent I know what you're thinking.. 'He cant hear you if you don't make a sound' True, but if I had of been louder, I would've been permanently silenced God didn't watch you cover up purple spots on your chest God didn't put your stomach through a punching bag test Did God help you scrub the blood stained spot off your shirt? Did God pick you up and kiss your “boo-boo”when you got hurt? Tears stream down my face as the memory fades Gun in my hand...4 more minutes passed. 5 minutes pass my due date I'm shaking. I'm scared 'Is this the right thing to do? Is this fair???' I drop the gun...I realize its not going to be any fun “You do not break GOD made you better than that” I want to stand up for myself And use the bone in my back I AM strong I AM brave You were very very wrong **And I refuse to let you **** me today.