stumbling through a rabbit hole, of never ending time,
the flashes ,
they attack her with an undeserved vengeance filled with an otherworldly hate,
they rip her wall of artificial sanity down within a simple grimace,
so she sits.
and stares
all feeling retreating to that special place called imagination.

all to many dimensions away,
she is laughing,
snorting,
her cheeks hurt so bad from laughing yet she cannot stop,
for that smile never leaves her face,
and the pure innocent happiness deep inside of her,
invades their souls,
she says hello,
she lives.
here in this place.

her plastic smile
quite convincing,
has lied,
to everyone, oh they were all convinced, HA!
what a bad girl she was,
that smile, the one he loved oh so much?
oh dearest naïve boy, It wasn't real
on the contrary my friend my good ole pal,
you were just a blind fool.
why of course with the rest of them.

the eyes, those burning eyes,
seem to never leave her thoughts,
always, thinking that maybe that look was meant for her,
was it to be special or something of the ordinary?
this, this, is where her embarrassment comes in,
where she cannot believe she let a boy,
the boys,
matter to her.

this is where she is that shadow in the corner of his eyes,
where she is his ember inside a forest fire,
where she is a drop of water in an ocean,
where she is the sunlight to his photosynthesis,
where she is his base.
she Is his.
and no longer her own.

why it wasn't real sweetheart.
just a façade you relished in.
just a lie you lived.
the places she hid, the realities she buried,
the truths she regretted,
the feelings she cut away,
the other hers,
the other lies and truths mixed,
efforts at her trying to find a reason, a way, a place to stay.
efforts of her finding the power to say
I am me
not at all an anonymous her.