I like to pretend that I have a tough exterior
That my mind is strong
And that the words and actions of others
Don't bring me down
But that couldn't be further from the truth
I'm so weak
I'm pathetic
It takes seconds
No time at all
For my mind to transport me to a place
A place where I think I'm hated
A place where I believe I'm unwanted
I'm so vulnerable at all times
When one little thing doesn't go as I expected
I freak out
I assume the worst
I make up hypothetical situations in my head
Situations in which nobody loves me
And nobody cares for me
Situations in which I'm ignored with ease
And forgotten quickly
It probably sounds selfish
As if I solely care about what people think of me
But in actuality
It stems from a deep self hatred
I hate myself in such a way
That I couldn't possibly imagine a world
Where people could genuinely love me and care for me
It's no wonder my relationships fail
With not only lovers
But with family and friends as well