Most people
are scared of spiders
or heights
or being alone.
My biggest fear
is gaining weight.
Everytime my jeans feel a little tighter
or my thumb and my pointer finger
can't quite fit around my wrist,
I. Panic.
So then I skip a meal
or two
or three,
and the next thing I know,
I've gone days
with barely a thing to eat
and the very thought of food makes me feel ill.
People will tell me to eat,
beg me,
make me feel guilty for willfully starving
when the chlildren in Africa would ****
for my mediocre college meal plan.
So then I cave.
I eat
and eat
and eat
until they are satisfied,
until they say I've
"had enough,"
until I feel so sick
that all I can do
is make up an excuse about homework
and dash to the bathroom.
It turns out that my pointer finger
is good for something else, too.