i put on my sweatshirt, yoga pants, tennis shoes, and said, "I think i'll go for a jog."
And I left. I ran down the driveway I jogged round the turn, I passed, on my way down the road, a collar. Pink, purple and small.
I took a break. Walked it off That lost collar means a lost pet. that lost collar might mean a lost kid. I brushed it off.
Running across the bridge, I told myself i couldn't stop, or The eyes behind windshields would stare. would realize im nothing.
I took the path along the river. It was noticeably full and wide. a dark, River green. the current was strong and I
Followed it with the path until i coudnt breathe. And I told myself to get a rusty fishhook carve my failure into my skin.
I told myself to ****. To **** myself. To jump in the winter river, to leap too far into the hypothermic current to come back. I sat on the edge for too long.