don't threaten me
with your blue-green nostalgia...
i know why i'm drowning.
i know why i'm weeping.

it's because
    i'm not building anything
because all my
  t       i
    h          n
                   g
                    
                   s
fell apart.
    consist of too much
expanding space.

existential terror
is a real thing,
a sickening exhaustion.