I’m recording this
From the future
Ten years ahead
To warn you that
Growing up is proven
To be a trap.

Inevitable as it is
Here are five advice
That you should keep in mind
And follow right after
Reading this message
To live long and prosper.

Foremost, please try your best
Not to make a hobby
Of talking to yourself
For it will haunt you
Even while you shower
Or as you take a sip on your coffee.

Start adopting a cat
Not for you to cuddle
But as a guard to your home
Aliens have used dogs to invade us
And without a feline, their only weakness
You will not be safe this April 11, 2016.

Double your dose
Of caffeine intake
I regret to have started
When I was already twenty five
The sooner the better
It’s the secret elixir of youth.

Do not believe in commercials
All the likes have been banned
In the year 2020
For they have been shown
To be made up of 80% lies
Which caused a second industrial revolution.

Coke is good, if not the greatest
But try drinking Pepsi more often
For a Pepsi fanatic will dominate the world
And he will release a proclamation
Sentencing to death any Pepsizen
Who cannot reach the required daily intake.

And a post script
Just to let you know
If you can hear the loud noises
At the background of this tape
It’s a horde of zombies
Dancing to the sound of Justin Bieber’s Baby.