I love the ways you look at me
and I've still got eyes to see
but know that when you try to hold me
I'm only a shadow of what use to be

I'm grateful that you see a man
when you watch me standing across a room
but know that when you reach to take my hand
that I'm just a shell where a soul's entombed

I'm not a living, breathing body
with a heart heaving rich, red blood
I'm not person, not a timeline, I'm just a coat worn shoddy
not able to offer you warmth in the rising flood

I want so much to never read
the last page in our story
to never fear the words unsaid
or to wear the crown without it's glory

but the price of days I walked as king without sorrow
was agreed upon before I knew you
the cost of the kingdom then, was my every tomorrow
and my smile painted on this carcass shows that truth

I borrowed time I can never repay
I convinced myself I stole what could only be given
I thought that I could charm luck to stay
but in the end my palace built, proved only a prison

gold won't stop a hungry stomach aching
dollar bills can't buy a promise kept
diamonds will never keep the dam from breaking
after all your tears for my absence have been wept

I'm not a man, not a person, not a creature whole
I lived those days, I held those true riches
now I can only pay that journey's toll
in bearing the weight of the living's bridges

I died somewhere in a battle I lost
but my ghost just went on fighting
I never felt my spirit cross
until I saw myself bleed the ink my story was writing

all I have to offer now is a smile when you look
all I can be is a mannequin frozen
a scrapbook page of what the teachers took
just an effigy, just a map of paths once chosen

I love the ways you look at me
and I fear the day you see straight through
the shadow that looks like the man you could love
because a shadow can never reach arms out to hold you