i remember when you came over for the first time
you said we couldn't go to your apartment
because your tv was broken
i was nervous because it was the first time i'd had a boy over
and even though it doesn't mean a lot
being next to you made everything a little more okay
once you told me i was "the most
intellectually stimulating person you know"
but on the days im too tired to be intelligent
im terrified you will like me less
the first time we were on my couch
you reached for my hand  
but i was too oblivious to understand the gesture
and didn't reach back
and even though i blame it on being naive
i know it's because im anxious that you actually like me back
and im scared shitless that you'll get bored of me
the first time i realized how often you blink
was the same day you told me my eyes are always bloodshot
and if eyes are really the window to someone's soul
it makes sense that you're always hiding yours
and mine are always bleeding
and i know it's not worth much  
but the first time you put your arm around me
was the first time i felt sincerely comfortable with myself
and thinking about your lips on mine
still gives me goosebumps
and i know feelings are transient just like everything else
but your laughter is my favorite thing about being awake
and i know me liking you can't make you like yourself
but i will try
god, i will try