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Dec 2013
<\3
It's been well over a year and I'm still angry
Our relationship has been long over by now
I'm not sure I even remember the sound of your voice
Sometimes I think I hear you..
But then again, I'm not sure if I ever truly heard you
When I dream at night, I see your face and I swear I can feel your touch
When I wake up, I'm clammy and cold
Although I feel as if I've just been in hell

Maybe I feel like I'm in hell because this thinking of you,
This agonizing over why her? Not me?
Were we really blissfully happy one day, and the next, you were in love with her?
I knew you one day
And then tomorrow came and I didn't recognize that stone cold expression on your face
It's been WELL OVER A YEAR
This is *******
I thought I was putting you behind me
I thought the idea of us was seeping out of my veins
My heart is incased with rage

Lets try this
Lets go backward in time
How bout for just a day..
You seem protected, unable to be affected by my pain
Or feel remorse for causing me all this heartache
I was falling harder and harder and you were slowly backing up
No intention of ever telling me, I was just gonna fall flat on my face
Instead you just stood there innocently as if you gave such a ****
Well sit down for a minute and let's put the shoe on the other foot

How bout you're the one who starts to quickly fall head over heels
You get this taste in your mouth you've never had before
It hugs you so tightly and before you know it...
You're in love with me
At first your shy, only show your "good" qualities
Hide your ugly side
Then comfort sets in and insecurities start to slip out
And day by day, my behavior slightly changes
You don't see it at first.. But the distance is growing between us
And my eyes have begun to wander
You're confused and I'm not giving you any answers or bothering to comfort your doubts
The harder you try, the more annoyed I become
You've clearly become a pest to me but, I won't admit it
I won't get out, even after several offers from you
I actually make you feel bad for doubting my suspicious behavior

Then BAM!
Just like that, it's over
No explanations
No talks about it
And no matter how much you plead and beg and cry
I remain unmoved
And before you can blink, I have someone else in my bed
And you come to the disturbing realization that they've been there long before I let you go
Though you know you should give up
That you don't want a love triangle
You can't help but stay because this feeling called love has completely taken over you
It's what you've always wanted
And we were once so perfect for one another...
When the hell did we come to this fork in the road??
Though you refuse to see me for who I am, you stay and you let me drag your heart through the mud for months and months
Until BAM!
It's over, but it's really over
I've chosen him and turned my back to you
Thrown everything we ever had out the window
Just like a piece of ****** trash
Watched you shatter and kept walking

Tell me, how does that feel?
Do I look the same to you?
Your hearts bleeding and barely beating in your hands
Your face is stained with tears
The worlds been flipped upside down
The one thing, the one person who rang true
Turns out, none of may of been true
But you'll never know what was real and what was fake
Because, the phone calls are ignored, text messages deleted and emails never opened
It's just you with an old photo in your hand, that you clutch to your chest at night as you cry yourself to sleep
To wake up to the sunrise upon the giant hill of "get over it"
Would this be easy for you?
Especially if every time you started to climb the mountain, something knocked you down
And you scream because you're sick of starting over
You just want it to be over

I just want it to be over
Jaimee Michelle
Written by
Jaimee Michelle  35/F/Portland
(35/F/Portland)   
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