I'd almost forgotten the blanketing beauty of sorrow and the unbearable lightness of joy that leaves you wondering why you were so happy this must be what she felt when she decided to let go I don't remember when I decided to stop trusting the world or when that decision seemed foolishly myopic but when I picked up my mat to walk it felt heavy if there is miracle in healing, it is the miracle of seeing yourself die, or at least an older version of it then comes all the newness that really isn't new at all like reminding myself that this is the first time to hear our song, now that she's gone or remember the way she loved the ocean because I saw a seashell in a fisher's net at a restaurant when did I ever start liking U2? Maybe she played it too much and when did forever become yesterday? maybe I saw the end coming, like a wave spotting another breaking on the shore and disappearing never to be seen again I suddenly felt my trough deepening, my crest folding I felt my own demise inching closer to the rocks reminding me of the pier in Longbeach where she said goodbye they don't teach you how to have a broken heart anymore than they teach you how to fall in love then again, no one thought to tell the wave that it is the ocean