Shallow, unforgiving dysfunctional darkness
Lurking in the crossroads between good and evil
Standing there lost, impulsive but shamed
Striking a pose of glory and false strength
I felt his troubles and pain on a Sunday night a work at the bar
I felt his accidental slipping tires screech against the pavement
Only to find he didn't want me so he left me behind at the hospital
I tried to call
But I was weak so I text my condolences
As the girl in the background that he never spoke about held as hand as he got well, or better
I'm not sure if I was capable of that
That is why the last day I saw his face I was speechless
That is why he never got the answer he was looking for
And I never got the hope that I was dying for
I was scared of truth and love
And revealing my insanity to the innocent, perfect saints
I could never face myself
It took years of crying and self loathing entries in my diary
It took self destructive behavior and God's pure indulgence to guide me
Living in regret is the worst hell
Its damaging and twisted like the thoughts that fill my heart
When it once was enchantment and hopeful and bright
Not embracing my flaws left me stranded behind
Failing
Falling
Fueling
Fearing
Fragile
If only he knew the dysfunction and the tears
If only he knew that failure made me fearless now a days
If only I could go back to seeing that amazing day
If I had another chance