i don't like being still.
i like moving around,
making noise and
doing things.

i physically can't be
lazy anymore.
i can't stand the thought of
not being productive,
i hate doing nothing.

im not sure if this makes me
a hardworker or if this is
the only other way i know
how to cope with everything.

i just push everything to the
side and do a bunch of work.
constantly pushing myself into
stressful situations until i scream because
i like the feeling of being productive and
being someone my parents and teachers
are proud of and i dont know,
i guess thats better than cutting but
what if the stress becomes so much that
i can't handle it anymore and
then i go back to the
blades even worse
than before?

he told me that he was proud
of how well i've been doing but
i can't help but think that
its a lie and he could really just
care less about me,
just like my parents do.