He claims he doesn’t
want me to suffer
or punish myself
but it’s clear to me
that he does.
Refusing to speak me
unless it’s on his terms.
Setting up even more
rules and boundaries
even though there are
currently a maze of those.
And bringing up my
horrible mistake every
chance he can.

He thinks he’s the one
with control,
but he’s not.
I am.
I don’t want to
punish myself anymore.
I’m not even saying
I’m innocent but
I don’t want to lock
myself up.

I don’t want to do this
anymore.