Nov 2013
I no longer hate her choice.
I think maybe I understand
That she lost )1( freedom and )2( truth
The most important things to her
That maybe when she pulled the trigger she thought it was the only thing left. Her choice.
**** how my words , our last conversation have come to haunt me. But when I told her she had to make small choices to build up to bigger ones, I never thought she would lead with this.
As for me, my regret is that I didn't make her feel safer. Safe to be crazy. Safe to be broken.
Not so much blame,
Bc hindsight is fifty fifty and I was Ill-equipped to know what to do and to see behind the eyes into the part of her that remainded.
Hindsight taught me to look farther, love harder, and hold on no matter what.
But now, I can't save her.
So to all the precious souls barely hanging on this is my message: hang on.
Hang on till your nails bleed and your souls feel like they can't take anymore. Rest in my love an know there is hope. Some mental illness is just who we are. And some of it is evil. But I know we can overcome. To those who have lost truth, hold on to me and I will fight for your truth. I will fight for your mind and soul. I will fight til I bleed with you and cry out beside you and scream to God with you or for you.
There can be no life saving rope let down to you if you have already let go.
My dear one was a lot of things.
A believer in truth
A cutter
An abuser
A writer
An artist
An activist
A dreamer
Just so full of pain
But so full of hope and possibilities and potential.
I cannot believe that with all of us dreamers uniting together that we can not find cures or ways of dealing and surviving. But we must do it together and for each other and we can not do it if we do not help each other in our weaknesses and our strengths. No matter how bad it is. We can always reach out
And stop
Eachother
From falling.
Love.
I think maybe I understand
That she lost )1( freedom and )2( truth
The most important things to her
That maybe when she pulled the trigger she thought it was the only thing left. Her choice.
**** how my words , our last conversation have come to haunt me. But when I told her she had to make small choices to build up to bigger ones, I never thought she would lead with this.
As for me, my regret is that I didn't make her feel safer. Safe to be crazy. Safe to be broken.
Not so much blame,
Bc hindsight is fifty fifty and I was Ill-equipped to know what to do and to see behind the eyes into the part of her that remainded.
Hindsight taught me to look farther, love harder, and hold on no matter what.
But now, I can't save her.
So to all the precious souls barely hanging on this is my message: hang on.
Hang on till your nails bleed and your souls feel like they can't take anymore. Rest in my love an know there is hope. Some mental illness is just who we are. And some of it is evil. But I know we can overcome. To those who have lost truth, hold on to me and I will fight for your truth. I will fight for your mind and soul. I will fight til I bleed with you and cry out beside you and scream to God with you or for you.
There can be no life saving rope let down to you if you have already let go.
My dear one was a lot of things.
A believer in truth
A cutter
An abuser
A writer
An artist
An activist
A dreamer
Just so full of pain
But so full of hope and possibilities and potential.
I cannot believe that with all of us dreamers uniting together that we can not find cures or ways of dealing and surviving. But we must do it together and for each other and we can not do it if we do not help each other in our weaknesses and our strengths. No matter how bad it is. We can always reach out
And stop
Eachother
From falling.
Love.
