The little lights were trying to survive
but darkness blew them away
and gave them the sense of staring at hell.
My legs were not moving,
my skin was pale
and I remember this moment really well.  
The pressure started to feel unreal
and the blur crossing my eyes gave me a sense of fear.
The painful stabs inside felt like a snake
                                                      biting every piece of my heart
that was trying to stay alive
and seek for the help to stop
                                          the  mess
                                                       inside my head.

My body was frozen
and I couldn’t even stand
because the strong side of me was totally dead.
My voice was locked in a little box
and I was not able to breathe
Because I was crying like
                                     I could fill the ocean
  and drown myself into it
to stop the little voices in my head
and win the relief and be without any pain
and to enjoy the quiet place without any scary face.
My eyes turned into a black hole
                                       without any lifeless sight.
Screams of desire were trying to get my body back
and give it an old happy version of myself.
The urge to say: stop, leave me alone
  was destroyed by scary thoughts
  that were dancing in my head and singing: we won,
  there is no way to turn this **** off
and break the emotions you have,
                                               this is
                                                      definitely
                                                                your end.
After a while
when I thought I would never survive,
the small hope came to me
and gave me a sense to feel free
without chains surrounding me
and trying to tear every piece of my body
to disappear from this world
                                and never feel the joy at all.
My heart was filled with love again
and ripped the fear away
and stopped this whole disorder
that was destroying
                             the person
                                             I am.