I have written him so many times.
and put it on this site.
or in that notebook.
I have thought and analyzed the "why?"
and came up with no justifiable conclusion.
you etched away my sanity,
stole my innocence,
and yet I still ponder you.
I still care.
no matter how many times I say I don't care, i'm actually thinking about it all day.
I actually let it bother me.
when I see you and her.
I am satisfied.
I am happy for her, that she found someone.
I am happy that it gives me a great reason to not let myself deliberately think about you.
but when I find myself hoping your around that corner,
anticipating it so much,
and then you aren't there...
the disappointment seizes my entire body,
wipes the smile right off my face.
and causes me to internally slap myself.
then when I see you in English,
and you tempt me,
on purpose,
to see if I will take your delicious bait,
I refuse,
I will not fall for you yet again,
I am done with your madness.
I will not let you know that i care for you still,
I will not give you that
satisfaction.
I promise, i do like another, and another.
they are just as perfect if not better.
yet my conscious is still hooked on you.
for some reason i wish i hadn't known.