I've been thinking about killing myself
It's not that I'm sad or anything
At least, I don't think I am
It's gotten harder to tell the difference these days
The hours grow shorter and shorter and every day seems to abruptly end when I open my eyes
Tell me more about yourself
About your favorite food and the homework you hate
Did you know that, while drawling on, when the light hits your eyes just right, they glimmer?
The water here is strange
Too warm or far too cold
With a weird bitter taste
Weird like the bitter-blue sky that stretches on like it does in movies
The kind of movies that you watch when you're on the road that you can never quite remember

I've been thinking of killing myself
Maybe it's because I never know what to do with my hands when I walk
Or perhaps it's that the ghosts in the walls just won't stop staring
The lights here are pretty bright, y’know?
So bright that they illuminate every pore, mole, and imperfection on people's faces
Stare too long and you can even see their sins
Every strained brow and disgruntled look in their eyes

I've been thinking about killing myself
I know that it's bad and won't solve any of my problems, but, God, I could use a break
Something to stop time for a moment
Even if that moment lasts eternity
There's this spot on my palm that won't stop itching
I scratch away endlessly but there's something deeper there
Maybe if I could just peel away the flesh, reveal the sinewy underbelly beneath my callused skin
Maybe then I'd find some meaningful part of myself

I've been thinking about killing myself
Not in an extravagant way
One that will horrify all who hear
But something gentle
Something soft
Soft as my cat's fur when she snuggles close while I cry
Soft as the blankets I cling to every morning praying for a few extra minutes
Your voice is kind of soft, too
Would you sing me a lullaby?
Just like how my mother used to when I was little
Mom will be sad again, won't she?